Last week, we talked about using different voices in negotiations and this week we will discuss a very simple yet powerful tool: the mirror.
In mirroring, you will repeat the most critical one to three words your counterpart just used, and then you will pause (for at least 4 seconds). The pause is important because if forces your counterpart to take a mental step back and analyze their wording.
The majority of the time they will begin elaborating on what they just said.
Chris Voss, a former FBI’s hostage negotiator, says the mirror tactic is the closest you will ever get to using the Jedi mind trick. If the other party just stares back at you after the pause you should ask, “Help me to understand.” This signals respect and concern for them while giving them the ability to reword what they said and hopefully lead to more clarity.
Another good listening skill is reflection. Unlike the mirror technique, reflections are using your own words to echo back what you just heard your counterpart saying.
Reflections are normally one to two sentences and no more. Keep them short and simple. Make sure in your reflections you are identifying their emotion.
It is important that you then follow up the reflection by asking the question: Did I get that right? This forces them to either clarify and expound on their positions (oftentimes giving you more information to work with), or to respond with a powerful agreement of “Yes, that’s right.”
That word “yes” indicates that you are hearing and understanding them and they will then move into a more collaborative and flexible stance with you.
Lastly, make sure you are using your own words to capture their message, because if you use their exact words (like a parrot) this will fall flat and lead you nowhere.
So, as usual, try these negotiation techniques this week and observe the responses you get!
