We often mask our insults and attacks as “feedback” when they are really quite the opposite. As I pointed out in my previous blog, feedback can end up being used as verbal weapons against those we love and respect the most.
Maybe you have been on the receiving end of this kind of verbal onslaught. Whether you have given or received these hurtful messages, it is not a productive way of handling issues and only leaves others angry and hurt. This type of feedback does nothing but damage the trust we need to build as good leaders.
Research shows us that our brains need a lot of safety, love, and good feelings in order to handle constructive feedback. I have heard that saying only one negative thing to someone is outweighed by saying nine positive things.
This stark 1:9 ratio shows that our brains need many more positive messages to help balance out the negative. This is why we, as good leaders, must give credence to how we are giving “negative” or constructive feedback.
If we are not careful, our comments can be misconstrued and the relationship could be jeopardized. I am not suggesting we walk on eggshells when giving constructive feedback, but we do need to word it carefully.
Next week we will look at how to practically give constructive feedback.
