After my former spouse Danielle passed away from stage four breast cancer back in 2008, I found myself visiting my command psychologist at SEAL Team 10. I went to him out of desperation because I felt like I was drowning in all my emotions. He began our first session by asking me what I thought most Navy SEALs had in common? I remember thinking: determined, hard-core, or mentally tough. He shook his head at me and said “no unfortunately it’s loneliness.”
If you find yourself feeling alone, isolated or even suicidal this holiday season, please know that good people out there want to help. I want to encourage you to do what I did and reach out to someone else for help, compassion or comfort. Maybe that’s stepping up your daily prayer routine, going to church, reaching out to a professional and making an appointment, or picking up the phone and being vulnerable with a relative or a friend. This holiday season, embrace the season of winter that you may find yourself in. Allow yourself time to grieve, mourn and let certain things die in your life.
Don’t rush the process.
Don’t minimize the pain.
Embrace the suck.
Give yourself permission to experience the messy and painful emotions, because when we do, it’s like purging our bodies of the emotional, physical and mental crap we’ve allowed to fester. Please remember, we go through seasons of winter with the hope that spring and new life is around the corner. Let’s embrace this motto: It’s OK to Not be OK.
If life is cupcakes and rainbows for you (aka you’re going through a spring or summer season of life), I want to challenge you to look around and see who is alone and hurting. Reach out to those individuals and invite them into your festivities. That could be inviting them for a meal, buying them a cup of coffee and lending a listening ear, or simply just giving them a hug and reminding them that you are there for them.
So whether you feel alone this holiday, or supported this holiday remember that we all have a part to play and a responsibility to fulfill as we all strive to be better people.
